If you’ve ever looked at your life after having a baby and thought, “Why do I feel like a different person?”, you’re not imagining it, and you’re not alone.
There’s a name for this transition: matrescence.
Matrescence is the developmental process of becoming a mother …a whole-person shift that can affect your identity, emotions, relationships, body, brain, routines, and sense of self. Researchers and clinicians increasingly describe it as a normal (and demanding) life transition—similar in intensity to adolescence, but happening in adulthood.
For many mums, simply having language for the change can feel like a deep exhale: “Oh. This is a real thing.”
This post is for the mothers who love their babies fiercely, but still feel stretched, tender, changed, and sometimes unsure who they are now.
What is matrescence?
Matrescence refers to the multi-layered transition into motherhood, including the psychological identity shift that often follows birth. It’s not just “adjusting to a baby.” It can involve:
- A change in how you see yourself
- A shift in values, priorities, and purpose
- Emotional sensitivity and nervous system strain
- New (often invisible) responsibilities
- A different relationship with your body and time
- A new relationship to work, friendships, and partnership
Perinatal psychiatry researchers describe matrescence as a useful framework because it helps mothers understand their experience as development, not “failure” or “not coping.”
Why motherhood can feel like a full identity change
Motherhood isn’t only something you do—it becomes something you are. That can be beautiful and grounding. It can also be disorienting.
Many mothers describe feeling like:
- Their old identity disappeared overnight
- They’re “not themselves” but can’t explain why
- They miss their previous freedom, confidence, spontaneity, or career self
- They feel love and grief at the same time
This doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means your life has shifted in a deep, structural way.
And it’s not only psychological. There are biological and cognitive reasons matrescence can feel intense.
The maternal brain and why you might feel “foggy” (it’s not weakness)
Pregnancy and postpartum involve major hormonal and physiological changes, and research suggests the brain changes too.
A well-known study found pregnancy-related brain structural changes in regions linked to social cognition—areas involved in understanding and responding to others (which may relate to maternal attunement).
More recent research and reviews continue to explore neuroanatomical changes across pregnancy and postpartum, emphasising that this is an active period of adaptation, not a moral failing or lack of capability.
Separately, research on motherhood and cognition highlights that early motherhood often comes with a massive increase in cognitive load (constant planning, monitoring, remembering, anticipating), which can understandably feel like brain fog, especially under sleep deprivation.
So if you’re forgetting words, forgetting what day it is, or feeling mentally “full”—that can be a normal response to an overloaded system.
Matrescence and the mental load: the invisible labour that exhausts mums
One of the most consistent realities mothers describe is the mental load: the ongoing, invisible planning that keeps a household and children functioning.
Examples include:
- remembering appointments, school events, kinder notes
- planning meals, snacks, groceries, routines
- managing behaviour, emotions, sensory needs
- tracking sleep, feeding, medications, milestones
- anticipating what might trigger meltdowns or dysregulation
- carrying emotional labour for everyone in the home
This kind of sustained cognitive work can lead to decision fatigue, irritability, low mood, and burnout over time. Motherhood-cognition research specifically discusses the “continuous adaptation” required during the peripartum period and beyond.
The emotional side of matrescence: why you can feel more sensitive than before
Matrescence can involve emotional shifts that surprise mothers:
- feeling teary for no clear reason
- feeling overstimulated by noise, touch, or mess
- feeling protective and anxious at the same time
- feeling guilt even when you’re doing your best
- feeling deeply connected, then suddenly touched out
These swings don’t automatically mean something is “wrong.” They often mean your nervous system is doing a lot of work: regulating yourself while co-regulating a tiny human (or several).
At the same time, it’s important to say clearly: if low mood, anxiety, panic, intrusive thoughts, or numbness become persistent or severe, support matters and help is available.
When matrescence overlaps with maternal mental health
Matrescence is not a diagnosis. It’s a developmental framework.
But it can overlap with mental health experiences like postnatal depression, postpartum anxiety, and parental burnout—especially when protective factors (sleep, support, practical help, financial stability, community) are thin.
Recent work in perinatal psychiatry argues that naming matrescence can reduce the tendency to pathologise normal maternal change while still helping clinicians and mothers identify when extra support is needed.
There’s also emerging research exploring matrescence-informed education and support programs to improve maternal wellbeing.
If you’re in Australia and need immediate support, Beyond Blue provides 24/7 resources and support options.
Matrescence in real life: signs you might be in this identity shift
Matrescence can show up differently for every mother, but common experiences include:
- You feel changed, even if life looks “fine” on paper
- You grieve your old self while loving your child deeply
- You don’t recognise your routines, body, or priorities
- You feel isolated even with people around you
- You’re functioning, but depleted
- You question your competence despite doing so much
- You crave someone who gets it, not someone who fixes it
If you see yourself here, you’re not broken. You’re becoming.
Gentle ways to support yourself through matrescence
You don’t need a complete life overhaul. Often, the most powerful supports are small, consistent, and realistic.
1) Name what’s happening
Even saying, “I’m in matrescence” can reduce shame and self-blame. Language gives your experience shape.
2) Reduce “perfect mother” pressure
You don’t need to cherish every moment to be a good mum. Loving your children while being in survival mode can both be true.
3) Ask for practical help, not just emotional reassurance
Meals. Laundry. A school pickup. An hour to rest. Practical support lowers cognitive load.
4) Build micro-rest into the day
Short nervous system resets matter: quiet, water, food, outside air, a 3-minute reset before you respond to chaos.
5) Find a judgement-free community
Safe, supportive spaces help mothers feel less alone—and less “behind.” Connection is regulation.
A compassionate reminder (especially for the mums who feel overwhelmed)
If motherhood has felt like the most beautiful disruption of your life, that makes sense.
If you’ve been told to “enjoy every minute” while you’re running on no sleep, carrying the mental load, and trying to keep everyone okay—that’s not a personal failure. That’s an enormous demand.
Matrescence isn’t about telling mothers how to feel. It’s about making space for the reality:
You can be grateful and exhausted.
You can love your children and miss your old self.
You can be strong and still need support.
And if today is a hard day, you still belong here.
Jasmine Nitti is a Melbourne-based mother of three neurodiverse children and the founder of Mums The Word Melbourne, a motherhood blog sharing real, unfiltered experiences of parenting, neurodiversity, and mental load. She holds a Master of Business Administration and is also the founder of ONIXX Athleisure Wear. A lover of adventure and growth, Jasmine writes from lived experience to support mothers navigating modern motherhood without perfection narratives.
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matrescence, identity shift after birth, becoming a mother, real motherhood, maternal mental health, postpartum identity, mental load motherhood, parental burnout, modern motherhood Australia, motherhood and brain changes, postpartum adjustment, overwhelmed mum, exhausted mum, motherhood community
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