Mental load and cognitive labour
Mental load is the ongoing, invisible project management of family life. It is remembering, anticipating, planning, and tracking, even when nobody sees it.
What it looks like in real life
- Knowing what everyone needs before they ask.
- Tracking school dates, forms, appointments, clothes, and routines.
- Holding the emotional weather of the household.
- Being the default problem solver.
In neurodiverse households, the load increases because the environment must be managed more carefully. That is not extra drama. It is extra variables.
How to renegotiate without a blow up
- Use a lane model. Each adult owns lanes end to end.
- Make planning visible. A shared calendar and a shared weekly check in.
- Reduce last minute asks. Late requests are a sensory trigger for many mums.
- Repair, do not prosecute. Ask for change, not a courtroom replay.
References
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